Keeping Kids and Computers From Destroying Each Other

Even if you teach your kids not to give out their address and name, it can take only a few minutes for a predator to get all the information he needs in a chatroom. What can a predator learn from this conversation?

If the predator is in the same chat room, he can see everything that's being said. There's more than enough information to find out the state and city being chatted about and he also knows the day, time, and place to find your kid. It's a date with disaster.

Even worse is the case where Fleer IS the predator. By this point, the bad guy already has a relationship with your kid and his trust. He's even convinced your son to meet with him. It's so easy to assume that just because someone sounds nice online means that they can be trusted. But you need to convince your kids that just because you chat with someone for a long time doesn't mean you know them.

There is a solid argument for outright banning Internet chat from your house. Not only is it a very easy way to get distracted from responsibilities like homework or housework, but the dangers of what can be said to and by your kids in fleeting conversation outweighs any benefit chat rooms might otherwise offer. A simpler and safer alternative is Instant Messaging.

Instant messaging has many advantages over standard chat:

• Privacy - IM is point-to-point communication. While it's possible to "eavesdrop" on an IM conversation, doing so takes far more skill and luck than most people possess.
• Selectivity - Because the only people that can talk to you are your "buddies" (assuming you haven't configured the IM software to accept chat from strangers), you will have a much better idea who you're talking to.
• Chatty kids can still have multi-person chat by adding other friends to the conversation.

Cautions

1. IM programs can be set to allow communications from anyone allowing you to "find friends" who share your interests. This usually involves entering some data about yourself into your profile, but I recommend against it. Not only does opening your IM this way make it no better than a standard chat room, it's actually worse since using the data entered, a bad guy will likely be able to guess some information about your kid (making it easier to strike up a conversation and build rapport). Also any IM user can instantly send a file (for example, a nude photo) to whoever they're talking to and there are different kinds of hacking attacks that can be launched through IM programs as well. To avoid your child receiving (or sending) risque photos or worse.

   As long as you keep their buddy list to family and friends (school friends, not "net" friends), you will be able to avoid most of these concerns.

2. In another scenario, say your kid's friend's name is Danny and one day Danny sends your kid a message that he heard five guys talking at school about beating your kid up the next day. What do you do?

   First remember that just because their screenname says "Danny" doesn't mean it's actually him. While actual hijacking of an IM account by a stranger is very rare, remember that anyone who's in Danny's house can get on that computer and talk to your kid as if they were Danny (parents, siblings, or any of his/their friends who happen to be visiting).

   Is it a prank or a misunderstanding? Call Danny on the phone and find out.

A forum is where a user will post a comment of some kind and the other users of the forum will be able to respond with their own comments. Often a discussion will ensue, though it's possible for it to devolve into a fruitless flame war (where users make personal attacks and argue off-topic).

The advantage to forums is that they tend to be very focused on particular topics (for example, gaming, gardening, religion) and will attract users who are interested in those topics. They are also moderated which can keep out undersireable negative or inappropriate posters. Best of all, because what they write in a forum is permenant and viewable by anyone (including you), they are far less likely to post something you would disapprove of (especially if you warn them you'll be watching).

I happen to be a big fan of forums as a way to work out ideas or communicate with like-minded people. They're also very useful for research and getting answers to specific problems. As opposed to chat rooms, you rarely have to deal with annoying random chatters who ramble on about useless off-topic stuff (in a forum, those kinds of people usually get banned).

The one real disadvantage is what is posted lasts forever which can be a problem if they post something they'll regret. My advice for your kids (and anyone for that matter) is to always ask yourself "If I were to run for President one day, would this post come back to bite me?" before you hit the submit button.

Did you know that what your kids post online can:

• Attract child predators
• Get them kicked out of school
• One day prevent them from getting a job or get them fired
• Lead to their or your arrest

There are some that refer to Myspace as the "sexual predator's dating service". Since the early days, they've improved security and even kicked more than 29,000 registered sexual offenders from their service. But that doesn't account for new security flaws and it doesn't stop the offenders who were smart enough to not use their real names.

Besides predators, you have the issue of people reading what your kids post that can affect their future. School administrators, resume reviewers, courts… All of these may someday dig up something your kid posted to use against them.

Fortunately, they are both easy to defend against by simply being cautious about what is posted online. To learn more about why and how to do this, check out my full article on the topic here:

Related topic(s):

Myspace, Facebook, Blogs, Forums, and Other Web Publishing Dangers

Filesharing programs have many useful and legitimate purposes, but the vast majority of downloaders are using to share music, movies, and software. Kids love to have instant access to any of their favorite songs or the new movie that just came out. The unfortunate thing is that they're not as quick to think of the implications.

There are alternatives to downloading that will not get you sued by the music and movie industry. For example, Netflix's movies-by-mail deal is very good. As long as you can wait for the movies to be released in the movie stores, this is a quick and simple way to catch up on all the flicks you've missed. There are a wealth of online music stores like eMusic, iTunes, and Amazon's new offering (though be careful of annoying copy protection included on some songs). And for TV, many networks offer videos of major TV shows online with minimum commercials. The industry is starting to take notice and respond with better solutions.

Whatever your reason, if you do download, do it as safely and anonymously as possible.

Related topic(s):

Avoiding P2P Nightmares
How to Watch TV For Free; Legally

The main point here is that a kid that has administrator privileges on a computer will be able to install and uninstall whatever they want. When they see a "neat" online game, they can just download and run it without any concern for whether it's infested with spyware or viruses.

By giving them only a "limited" user account, any install of a program or major change to the security settings of the machine will require your input thus giving you a chance to exert your parental influence. For example, you might not want your 8 year old to try the demo version of Manhunt.

Besides the security issues, having separate user logins for each member of the family makes it possible for each person to have their own background picture, sound effects, and icons. This is a lifesaver for the parent who just doesn't want a Star Wars or My Little Pony background picture and can't ever seem to find their document among the massive desktop shortcuts to games and chat sites.

MMOs or Massive Multi-player Online games provide a social network, escape from reality, and a bright colorful universe full of things to do and explore.

It's not that you have to ban these games, but you should know a little about such games before you buy one for your child/significant other. I happen to play such a game, but do in in a particular way to prevent it from interfering with my R/L (that's "Real Life" in game speak). Doing so requires that you pick the right kind of game and play it the right kind of way.

Knowing that a game can be addictive and having a talk with your kids (or significant other) ahead of time can be very helpful. Making a deal with them about when they play and how they handle interruptions is also a good idea. For example, as a gamer, I'm much more able to not play during some days/times if I know we have a set time for me to play later in the day/week.

I recommend you read my casual gamer's guide, but the short of it is that rather than have an account with an MMO active all the time, playing for only 1 to 2 months out of the year (during months when real life responsibilities are light) is the best way to go.

When someone playing a game like this forgets that it's just a game and that skipping work to go on a "dragon raid" is a really bad idea, it's time to take a hard look at how you or your kid is playing.